My stop

This is my stop. The crazy train ride is officially over. I'm not sure where my original departure was at..but this is definitely my destination. No more drama. No more secrets. No more lies. No more hiding who I am and what I want. No more wondering who I am and what I want. I am just me. Strange, weird, cool and geeky at the same time, a bit wild at times, a bit shy at times, a bit self conscious, a bit conceited, a bit beautiful and bit ugly. Raw and the real deal. Just me. Split personalities...maybe..or maybe just a whole big ball of whatever. I'm good with that. No more petty bs that changes daily. No more trying to figure it all out and fix it. There are no fixes for some things. Some people just don't want things fixed. At some times, I didn't want things fixed. I have finally accepted that some times, you just have to make a choice and sometimes the choice is to let it go because sometimes..that just makes you feel better-all the way around.
I liked not having to worry about what other people thought of me, I liked not feeling anything when I saw someone I was afraid to. I liked letting go and having fun. I liked living for the moment and not a moment more.

Lemony Snickets?

Tonight, my life resembles a Jim Carrey movie. You may be thinking... ahhh which one...there are SO many good choices. Sadly, no. I'm referring to Lemony Snickets - A Series Of Unfortunate Events. In my opinion, it was the worst movie he's ever made. Yes, I do remember Ace Ventura...but at least THAT was funny.
Anywho. Let me describe my night for you. First, let me say that it is now 5 am, so technically, I should be describing my morning, but since I haven't gone to sleep yet.. we'll still call it night. Ok? Thanks for playing along, kids.
After a nice peppermint bubble bath, I dressed in my circus tent pj's ( as the hubby likes to call them bc they're pink, green, purple, yellow and white striped) and sat talking to the hubby while waiting for him to get ready for bed. We went to bed at about 2am. I **almost** fell asleep and my legs started tingling. I have come to the conclusion that my insomnia is due to Restless Leg Syndrome- a syndrome that I always thought was psychological or to put it bluntly, BS. I'm still leaning that way, but for the sake of argument, let's pretend I'm not crazy tonight...errr ...this morning. So.. I can't sleep. I toss and turn to no avail. I get up to pee, thinking..maybe I have to go and that's what's keeping me awake. How that affects my legs, I haven't a clue, but at this point, I'll try anything. Didn't work. Still awake. I even tried propping my legs up on a pillow. At 4:30 I get out of bed because I have annoyed the husband to the point of exhaustion. Go pee again. Shouldn't have had that last glass of tea. Guess what. My "friend" has come to visit. WTH? It's 4:30 in the fricken morning!! That couldn't have happened during daylight hours? And, by the way, whoever decided to call this curse a "friend" should be shot. At point blank range. With buckshot.
Next, I take care of that business and decide to sleep on the couch so that I don't keep the hubby awake any longer and so the dog will quit making that -aggravated deep breath noise- at me. I bring my pillow and the only extra blanket I can find is my favorite throw, but it's only long enough to cover my feet or my shoulders, but not both at the same time. Curses!! Ok..fine. I'll curl up and be warm. Done. Oh wait. There was something moving in the floor by the couch. WTH? It's a little green frog. We've had a lot of rain lately and I guess he just jumped his happy little a&& right on into the house while the door was open. I hate frogs. They're icky. I grab a paper towel, scoop him up and throw him outside. Paper towel included. I'll have to pick the paper towel up tomorrow while I'm cleaning the rest of the yard. It'll be soggy by then with all this rain. YAY!! I can't wait. Frog is no longer a threat. I lay down on the couch, get all nice and comfy and the tv starts making clicking noises. WTH? It's not even ON!!
It's possessed. I've lost my mind. Oh well. I still can't sleep. So, you see how my night has turned into a series of unfortunate events. Crap. Now I'm hungry. Breakfast at 6am anyone?? I wonder if Pet Detective is on........

The return of the jeans......

They are back. Damn them. I thought they were gone for good!
I MUST find another way. Fire? Yes, fire! It IS the only way to make sure they NEVER COME BACK!!

Bobby has a knack for wearing the most raggedy clothing I have ever seen. The problem really isn't his fault. He just hasn't gained any weight in the last 10 years, so he doesn't throw anything away and mostly doesn't see the need to buy any more.
Yes, I hate him for it, but that's beside the point. Anyway, he keeps his clothing. All of it. Over the years, I have tried to get rid of them. I've sneaked them into the garbage over and over..and some I've put in his infamous burn pile ..unbeknownst to him, of course. I remember once, when I threw out his Miami Hurricanes t-shirt. He was furious. But, really, it had more holes it then Swiss cheese. He claimed it was "air conditioned". He actually went through the garbage and plucked it out and put it in the wash. EWW. I didn't wash it. I just ripped it in sooo many pieces that it was rendered unwearable. FINALLY!

A few months ago....
Bobby wore his favorite jeans in public. These jeans are nothing special. While I'll admit they do make his butt look cute, I must note that the problem is not with the cute little behind, but rather ..the front. These jeans have a hole in the crotch. Not a tiny hole, no way. It's about twice the size of a quarter. His boxers fall out of said hole. I'm just afraid that one day.. something else will be peaking out and scare people! So... I did what any super hero to the masses would do.
I threw them away. I stuffed them into the very bottom of the garbage bag and then cleaned the refrigerator out. I threw all the icky foods and outdated bottles of salad dressing on top. It was a fantastic idea! He'd never suspect and NEVER EVER find them!! MUHAHAHAHA **evil laughter**!!
Everything was perfect. No more holey jeans and I could just deny that I'd ever seen them. Perfection, I tell you! I never gave them another thought.

Until today, that is. When my loving husband walks into the house with ...duh duh duuuuummm...THE JEANS!! Apparently, the friendly neighborhood, garbage stealing nuisance, albeit cuddly cute BEAR had gotten our garbage that very week and dragged it over to our neighbor's house to rummage through it. Well.. today, our neighbor was picking up OUR garbage..how embarrassing is THAT... and found THE JEANS!!!
THEY HAVE RETURNED!!!! Oh for the love of all things HOLEY!! haha. *slaps knee* I kill me! Now, that man wants me to wash the jeans so that he can wear his FAVORITE ONES!! And..do I know how they got into the garbage?? I'm guessing my laughter gave it away. CURSES!!!

Lost

I had a good story to tell tonight about my adventures in the lost lake, but life got the better of me. You see, my friend is upset about her life and what's in store for her future and I feel horrible because I have no good advice for her. One would think I'd have it stockpiled since I haven't been using any that's been given to me lately.
But, no. I've let it go in one ear and out the other. I don't feel like such a good friend tonight. I'm just drawing a blank. Perhaps, I'm too caught up in my own drowning pool to be able to see others and help with their problems. I have been selfish. I'd never had considered myself a selfish person until just recently and I suppose I have been. Recently, I've been someone that I do not recognize. All of my efforts to be an upstanding, moral person have gone out the window. One bad choice has led to another down this metaphorical paved road to hell. I wish I could go back in time and erase mistakes and poor choices, yet keep all of the wisdom that I have gained over the years. Hindsight, I suppose. Don't we all wish for that? I am trying to change my life by doing the right thing. When one does the right thing, then isn't everything just supposed to fall magically into place? I'm trying to make better choices. I'm trying to mend the trail of broken hearts that I have left. I'm not a martyr. I'm not just doing the right thing, but what's best for me and everyone around me and what I ultimately want. I know this is what I want and need - I just don't really know how I lost sight of it. It's the only thing that feels right.
I wonder what punishment will fit this crime. I wonder if it will all eventually be ok. I wonder if and when payback will happen. I wonder if I'll ever forgive myself for becoming this unrecognizable, selfish, shell of a woman. I wonder if he will, either. I wonder if I'll ever get back to that person I once was.

This one's for the birds

I think there is a bird brothel in the backyard Pine tree. As I was laying out on the back porch ( oh yea, all redneck style with the tractor blocking the neighbor's view) I looked up to see a couple of birds mating. Yea, I watched. So what? I was bored. Anywho.. a few minutes later, another bird flies up and participates. Then another. Now, I'm not sure if they were all having one big orgy up there. I'm not even sure how many were male or female - I didn't have my glasses on or contacts in - not that I could tell the difference anyway..but they were all there..and all gettin' it on at some point. I was just wondering if at the end..the male said something like.." the money's on the nightstand". I don't know how that all went..but I do know that there were some feathers flying at the end...so I'm thinking the birds like it a little rough. Unless this was a gang rape and I just watched and did nothing! OH THE HORROR!!

Speaking of the whole sunning on the back porch deal. Why oh why is only one part of my tummy red? Not the sides...not the back..and yes, I did rotisserie myself. Well, really, it was more like a light saute since I was using olive oil as a tanning agent. Don't knock it-it's all I had!

Sleepless part 2..

I think my internal clock is broken. This insomnia is really not for me.
I've always been one who loves to sleep. I would never pass up an opportunity to take a nap, so this insomnia is really just killing me. I went to bed and got up at about 2am. I finally went back to bed a little after 4am when I was kind of sleepy.
Well, 6:20 came a little too quickly and NOW I could sleeeep!
I was hoping that someone would be on Facebook or IM that late, but oh no...I got to stay up late all by myself. I was entertaining myself with sites such as "Etiquette Hell" and "Dear Abby" as well as "Soapoperafan". Yes, I was bored. I even went to Cakecentral, which I love for some helpful info, but sometimes, the idiots just annoy me. Like one chick was asking what she did wrong when she put a full amount of batter into 2- 8" pans when the directions clearly and she repeated, that the recipe was for 2-10"pans. Duh. MOron.

Do you know how to reset an internal clock? If so, would you mind taking a look at mine and perhaps turning back my biological one while you're at it?
I'm not asking for decades here, just a few years should do it.
I know I don't look old, at least I don't think so. I mean, I got carded in Vegas to play Blackjack and then again just to watch at the Blackjack table. I also had a lady tell me I was " just so cute" that I looked like a "little girl". Thanks. Yes, I want to look young...but I'd still like to look like a woman. Damn. Maybe I shouldn't wear that polka dotted jumper anymore and pigtails anymore with the Carebear watch!

Sleepless in my living room

Even tho I wrote this in an email a little while back, it's still pertinent today..

I wish I could sleep tonight. Lately it seems that every time I try to sleep at night, something keeps me awake. I am SO tired, yet cannot sleep.
First, I toss and turn and then the itching starts. First, it'll be the leg, then the arm, then the foot and so on. I don't know why. It's not like I have any reason for it. My aunt told me once that it was "nerves", but what the heck do I have to be anxious about? Especially, when all I want to do is sleep. I sleep SO good for about an hour after Bobby has gone to work and Little Bobby has gone to school-usually anyway. Right now, he's on Spring Break and he's sick..so I don't really get that hour either. So, what gives? I would say that I'm just worried about him, but this happens all the time. Things have to be just perfect for me to sleep. Pillow and blankets in the right position, box fan on, but not blowing on me - I need the noise, ceiling fan can't be on bc it blows my hair and tickles my face, every light must be off and the doors shut, nothing blowing or making any noise at all in the house and I need absolute darkness. Oh and if I didn't shave -then I must wear pj bottoms or my hairy legs will annoy me-I can almost hear the chirping sound that crickets make when their legs rub together. Any noise will wake me up. Even the dog moving on the floor. A little while ago, I thought I heard the bear getting into the garbage-nope, it was just the cat on the back porch. The porch doesn't even connect to my room. Maybe I have superhuman hearing. Or. Maybe I'm just neurotic. I'm leaning towards the latter. My plan tonight, is to become so unbelievably sleepy that I fall straight into bed. Meanwhile..you get the ramblings of a neurotic -sleep deprived, but obsessed woman. A few weeks ago, I had THE BEST sleep that I can remember. Basically, I slept through the night. Like 6 hours straight. I was feeling sick and had taken night time cold medicine and it knocked me out. I awoke feeling refreshed and wonderful...I still took some the next night bc I "might" feel sick again. The third night, I didn't take any bc I wasn't feeling sick and bc I realized that I really liked taking meds to help me sleep and decided that probably wasn't the best idea. So. I no longer sleep through the night. Again. I suppose I actually have to get to sleep to be able to sleep through the night.

I dedicate this blog to Huggaboob and others like him.

I'm posting this blog because Aleta asked me to start again.
I'm trying, really, but it seems that I forget what I want to say when I actually start writing. Alzheimer's early? Not funny...since it's coming one day.

Anyway, she was asking about a guy I like to call Huggaboob.
He's a friend of my brother's that tends to well..hug my boobs.
This older gentleman *cough* tries to play it off as being friendly and hugging the sister of his friend, but I know the truth and so does he. I'd kick him in the balls, as Aleta suggested, but honestly, some days, I just wanna say.. "Here - why don'tcha just give 'em a good squeeze...maybe even do a Jim Carey from Liar Liar and get this over with. Then, we can go on to nice normal conversation, perhaps shoot a few games of pool where you let me win because you think that I'm the type of girl who HAS to win. You'd be wrong, btw. I won't even use the bridge when I can't reach a shot because I'll be seen as weak . Perhaps because I'm a little stubborn, too. And yes, guys, if I see you use the bridge, you lose some masculinity in my eyes. Not that you care. But...just so you know.
Back to huggaboob..and the like.. it's ok if you stare. Really, I don't mind. That's why I've put 'em out there. It's my best asset..so why not show it off? Maybe, just maybe you'll pay attention to the girls instead of my ..um ..large butt or tummy. I don't even mind you commenting. Honest. Well, as long as it's a nice comment, anyway. But guys, don't try to "get away" with the other stuff. Don't try to be all suave about it, because you're not. I know what you're thinking. I can see it in your eyes...and yes, I can see where your eyes are looking..I'm short..the only other possible explanation is that you're looking at the floor..and well..you cocky bastards would never avert your eyes to the floor, would you?

I have heard the saying "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION" and I was thinking about that this morning. Of course failure isn't an option. It's not like it's on a menu and we're thinking " hmm that success sure does look great, but I think I'll stick to my usual-failure- besides, I might not like that success and it' a little expensive-yep, waitress, I choose FAILURE"
Who the h&** would CHOOSE failure? Maybe it's fate or karma or something other worldly like that..maybe IT CHOOSES YOU!!
Either way, I'd like to OPT OUT!!!

My Name is Amy and I'm a ......

Dog Fart Sniffer. Apparently, anyway.
I'm sitting here on the chaise playing with this giant torpedo like Nerf Dart
that Lil Bo shot me with a few minutes ago. I hold it up to my eye..like it's a telescope and smell this horrific stench. I scrunch my nose up and think " gross, this thing smells like a dog fart". I just can't believe it..so I start sniffing the whole thing..end to end with the stench getting stronger. It's nasty. The whole time, I'm thinking...WHY does this thing stink??? What is it made of that is different from those little non lethal darts? Is this one in fact a "stink torpedo". It hasn't smelled this way before...and I've been hit quite a few times. The guys think it's funny to make my butt a target. I don't. Anyway..this dart is smelling worse and worse by the minute and then....I start to wonder just exactly where the dog is.
I found him. Sitting right beside the chair..just out of sight. I find that it wasn't the dart after all. The world of Nerf is just fine and kids everywhere will be safe from toxic fumes. That's right, folks. I'm not just a stinky dart smeller...oh no..in fact.. I'M A DOG FART SNIFFER. Could there be anything worse? I have yet to find it.

Today is one of those days that I wish I was crafty.
I, along with Lil Bo, finished hanging the border in the guest/poker room today.
Most days it will just be the "poker room" for Bobby and his friends to play in. When we have guests, we'll remove the poker table and put the bed back in there-with matching bedding, of course. The boys needed a their own room, though. They were taking over my living room / kitchen area and I often had to seek refuge in my bedroom.
So, we rearranged the room so that the poker table would fit as well as have enough room for them to easily move around. The last poker table was ginormous and I assume the next one will be, too. Bobby has built a few of them, but always ends up selling them. He'll be working on his own soon and I've taken into account the colors and design he'll be using.
The walls are painted and the border is up. Now what? I'd like to add some posters or wall art of some kind. I don't have a large budget, so I'd like to make something myself. The problem is that I just don't have any good ideas.

The First One

I would like to start this blog by telling you a few things I have learned over the past year and just maybe, one day, you'll find them helpful, too.
1. Honesty is NOT always best policy.
No matter what your mama told you, Honesty is NOT always the best policy.
I've lived by this honesty is the best policy rule for so long and I must say, it hasn't really gotten me too far. If you think about it, our parents were not always honest with us. Do you remember the drawings you used to do for them and they'd always say how beautiful they were and how talented you were? Really? You were 4. Who's going to tell a 4 year old that the pic she drew of a cat really looks like 57 lines in 13 colors and there is no resemblance to a cat whatsoever?! So much for talent, Mom. I still can't draw a cat. I can't even draw Hello Kitty's big head. I can't draw ANYTHING for that matter.
Example number 2. What about when our mom's or grandma's would wear a new dress to some party...they'd get a compliment and shrug it off with"this ol' thing" even though she'd cut the tags off only an hour before. PSH. Honesty.

2.You should'nt always play by the rules.
It depends on whose rules you're playing by and what kind of game you're playing. As I'm finding out, it's far more important to play the game rather
than worry about the rules. As a matter of fact, when playing the Game Of Life, I always end up barefoot and pregnant with a station wagon full of little pink and blue pegs. I have one child and can't have another without some really stout drugs. So WTH?

That's all I have for the moment, but I'm sure I'll think of many more life lessons for ya.