They are back. Damn them. I thought they were gone for good!
I MUST find another way. Fire? Yes, fire! It IS the only way to make sure they NEVER COME BACK!!
Bobby has a knack for wearing the most raggedy clothing I have ever seen. The problem really isn't his fault. He just hasn't gained any weight in the last 10 years, so he doesn't throw anything away and mostly doesn't see the need to buy any more.
Yes, I hate him for it, but that's beside the point. Anyway, he keeps his clothing. All of it. Over the years, I have tried to get rid of them. I've sneaked them into the garbage over and over..and some I've put in his infamous burn pile ..unbeknownst to him, of course. I remember once, when I threw out his Miami Hurricanes t-shirt. He was furious. But, really, it had more holes it then Swiss cheese. He claimed it was "air conditioned". He actually went through the garbage and plucked it out and put it in the wash. EWW. I didn't wash it. I just ripped it in sooo many pieces that it was rendered unwearable. FINALLY!
A few months ago....
Bobby wore his favorite jeans in public. These jeans are nothing special. While I'll admit they do make his butt look cute, I must note that the problem is not with the cute little behind, but rather ..the front. These jeans have a hole in the crotch. Not a tiny hole, no way. It's about twice the size of a quarter. His boxers fall out of said hole. I'm just afraid that one day.. something else will be peaking out and scare people! So... I did what any super hero to the masses would do.
I threw them away. I stuffed them into the very bottom of the garbage bag and then cleaned the refrigerator out. I threw all the icky foods and outdated bottles of salad dressing on top. It was a fantastic idea! He'd never suspect and NEVER EVER find them!! MUHAHAHAHA **evil laughter**!!
Everything was perfect. No more holey jeans and I could just deny that I'd ever seen them. Perfection, I tell you! I never gave them another thought.
Until today, that is. When my loving husband walks into the house with ...duh duh duuuuummm...THE JEANS!! Apparently, the friendly neighborhood, garbage stealing nuisance, albeit cuddly cute BEAR had gotten our garbage that very week and dragged it over to our neighbor's house to rummage through it. Well.. today, our neighbor was picking up OUR garbage..how embarrassing is THAT... and found THE JEANS!!!
THEY HAVE RETURNED!!!! Oh for the love of all things HOLEY!! haha. *slaps knee* I kill me! Now, that man wants me to wash the jeans so that he can wear his FAVORITE ONES!! And..do I know how they got into the garbage?? I'm guessing my laughter gave it away. CURSES!!!
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You crack me up. That's terrible. You had told me about these jeans previously. I swear, things like that ALWAYS have a way of returning, be it nosy neighbors, dumpster divin'...or bears, they always come back. Me thinks you might want to rip said jeans into pieces like the shirt. :) Good luck, pally-o. Tell Bobby that you will NOT be bailin' him out when he gets busted for indecent exposure.
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